My last post about it

Yesterday was the start of my 3rd week since the miscarriage, I would almost be 12 weeks now and I planned on telling everyone while we were here in Colorado.  This will probably be my final post about what to expect and what you might go through if this ever happens to you..  Keep in mind, everyone is different, but I hope this helps a little.

Last Friday is when everything that happened hit me.  At work.  And it was awful.  I was crying hysterically and I couldn't stop.  When the miscarriage was happening I was so heartbroken but I was mostly crying about the pain.

A few things will make the loss real, or at least it did for me.

1.  I should have known better than to weigh myself before work.  I had lost 6 pounds in a week and it made me so sad because all I wanted to do was gain weight for this baby so that he or she would be healthy.  I wanted to feel fat, tired, sleepy--I wanted to be pregnant and I wanted this baby.

2.  Last week my hair started falling out.  When you're pregnant you grow extra hair and shed less because of the hormones.  By the end of last week, I noticed that so much hair was falling out.

3.  I am one (among many) who works for a result.  I train in order to finish a marathon, I spend hours on a painting or drawing and I am able to actually see and keep the results forever.  I am still getting bills for blood tests and ultrasounds and doctors visits, but I will not have a baby to hold after paying them.  And that seems to be the hardest for me.

Like I said before, everything happens for a reason.  I am not bitter, all I am is sad.  I was bitter when I thought I couldn't get pregnant and now I am happy to know that I can.  My doctors say that we are young and healthy and nothing is wrong with us.  I am trying so hard not to throw myself a pity party about all of this because as far as we know, we can have kids and some couples can't.  I know more than ever that we will have a baby when it's meant to happen, it really is out of our control.  For now I am going to focus on being happy that it happened, I am going to focus on Wade and law school, I will focus on church, work, and finishing by bachelors degree in the next year and a half. 

This picture was taken the day we went to Urgent Care, the last picture of the 3 of us :)

Now we are in Colorado at my grandparents vacation home and the timing couldn't be more perfect!  The fresh air is what I need to put myself back together.  I will not post any more sad blogs about our baby bean.  Wade and I are going to enjoy the time we have together, just the two of us, for as long as we are suppose to.

Here is a photo of us being tourists in a place I call home.

The Strater Hotel: